Life in Pictures

the photo I did not take...

2011-12-15T22:41:00.002Z

I love this image! Its from a recent shoot with a lovely little family of 3. The only problem? I didn't take it!! yep! that's right! my talented sidekick strikes again! haha :) still, I shouldn't complain - it's good to have help worth taking along.What I love most is that the full story isn't obvious right away. If you look just to the right of that fantastic bit of lens flair (jealous much?!) you can just about see me taking pictures of mum and dad! Nice shot babe!

Friday Decenber 2nd: Dad's Christmas do! :)

2011-12-04T22:17:00.002Z

So once a year my lovely Dad, pictured below takes us and Jus n Sean out for a meal along with my Aunty Nora. Lucky for us Dad has great taste so its always a meal to look forward too, and I really do. This year was no exception although it was quite a drive to The Swettenham Arms and I felt car sick both on the way there and on the way back which wasn't great!

I didn't take too many pics. You know how it is, classy joint - don't want to be waving your camera phone around like a loon / tourist too much ;) but I did get one of Sean with his amuse-bouche ;)

Welcome, December!

2011-12-03T00:06:00.003Z

So in line with my goal to blog every day in December, here goes! better late than never right?!

Well, as usual December crept up on me in the usual sneaky fashion. I thought I at least had the important stuff covered, but, no! The evening of the last day of November saw me in the loft, hunting for Dave's advent calendar which was...at work. At least I had the chocolate to give him!

I did place this little guy on my desk though, to add a little festive cheer. I am hoping to keep it alive and decorate it through December ready to give as a gift, just for fun :)

As it was the first of December and Dave was at meetings I headed here after work for a bit of christmas shopping! Had to be done right?! ;)

And lastly after 4 or so years of having this book in my possession, this year I finally remembered to start reading it on the 1st of December!! Go me!!!!

not a bad start to the month given how far from organised I am!

white flag...er....monday!

2011-11-14T13:29:00.000Z

Took these in the spring... its past time they saw the light of day!...

As promised...

2011-10-19T20:57:00.001+01:00

... white flag wednesday :)

having beautiful friends really helps in my job! :)

WHITE FLAG WEDNESDAYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!!!!!!

2011-10-17T13:11:00.000+01:00

... as is keeping up with this blog, getting the new website up and running and revealing some big changes around here!
Its been a tough year if I'm honest. Not that anything really terrible has happened, but I think we all have those years - the ones that just feel harder, for no apparent reason. I feel like I have learnt a lot about myself, things I am excited to change and put into practise. I love this time of year anyway, but this year I am feeling it a little more, relief to close out 2011 and dive into 2012 with at least some sense of direction. I know what I want to do with my life, the business and everything else. Now its just down to me!

and I have a TON of images to share! :)

I had wondered whether to just let the white flag wednesday concept die quietly, in the spirit of moving onto new things. But I think I'll let it live a while, except, I'm not sure I can wait until Wednesday to reveal the pics of this weeks cute couple! Maybe white flag wednesdays will just be lost in the avalanche anyway!!....

Working on the weekend...

2011-08-03T16:32:00.001+01:00

Well, I'm always working, but I had to spend some time at the Practical office Saturday just gone. I say 'some time' as dinner time whooshed past me, the folks at home sent me this...

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This SO made me laugh today...

2011-08-01T17:53:00.001+01:00

now get off that computer! :) just kidding!

Today's White Flag Wednesday...

2011-06-22T21:52:00.001+01:00

.... Will be posted tomorrow or Friday! Sorry!! I know that's completely cheating but I don't feel so well. Back on track ASAP!

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White Flag Wednesdays...

2011-06-15T23:14:00.001+01:00

I am so tired that I am really struggling to get this post down. But if I don't, it won't be Wednesday anymore and this is long overdue! I feel like for so long I have been trying to fit enough work for two lives into just one - mine. I'm usually very careful with client work - I will push myself to the absolute limits to abide by self imposed deadlines etc. but then there's another side to things. The side my friends and family see. the little extra I try to give to them because, well, they rock :) but they are the people who know they can wait forever to see me complete what I started for them. I appreciate their patience so much but its time for it to stop - I need to pull myself out of this hole!
I made a list just less than a year ago.A list of things to do before my 30th birthday. Most of it is gonna have to be binned, but the one thing I intend to stick by is seeing each and every one of those 'friend' jobs crossed off. So, if you have received an email / message from me directing you to this blog post, then there's some cause for optimism - white flag Wednesdays are for you!! Every Weds I will preview some of these 'lost in the endless queue" shots. when you see yours, you know the job is done and they are on their way to you. There will be at least one white flag post each weds - I hope most days multiple posts.Who will it be next week??? it might be you! :)
so without any more jabber here is a mini offering to kick off White Flag Wednesdays...

Chrissie and Natasha, I will be in touch in the next few days to arrange getting these files to you! :)

a picture is worth...

2011-05-17T15:32:00.000+01:00

enough said!!!

The view from here

2011-05-11T11:03:00.003+01:00

I was going to post some stuff. All-sorts. But I got sick. Nothing contagious, just migraine brought on by me stressing over having to face or be reminded of the things I can't change which are really getting to me right now. But it's a long time since I had it that bad. I seem ok now but I'm already worrying about the possibility of a repeat this weekend. I geuss we'll just have to see how I handle it. Whilst I attempt to catch up, here is the view, as I lay on my back with the cats feet in my face!...

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The break through...

2011-04-27T13:33:00.040+01:00

Some people may be wondering what happened with the diet. After 2 days of hyper enthusiastic posts... nothing. Well, one or two random unrelated images but not another word on the diet. Well, you see, the truth is...

... I actually stuck to it!! ~No, no, please don't die of shock! sit down a moment, you'll be fine! I actually found the Body Blitz plan much easier to follow than I thought I would. The book promised a weight loss of around 7 lbs in return for sticking to the plan and throwing in around 5 half hour sessions of some form of exercise (not necessarily anything too strenuous) each week for 2 weeks. Well, I almost stuck to the plan (other than the accidental honey and lemon drink, one packet of maltesers and a packet of crisps when I stayed really late at the office one night and one or two stolen pieces of potato when dave was having some), skipped the odd meal when I was too busy or not hungry (but never deliberately to starve myself), skipped a portion of the snacks (because I just didn't need them), did no specific exercise...
and lost a grand total of 7.5 lbs!!!
It was so much fun to watch Pam, my Weight Watchers leader almost hit the deck when I stepped on the scales. Any loss would have amazed her after the last few weeks!
The observant among you may have noticed that I have only claimed 7 lbs on the chart at the top. That is because that is what I measured at home.

So, what now?? well, since that little triumph I have eaten waaaaaaaay too much chocolate! So today I am trying to rein it back in a little. I'm not after a big loss this week - a small loss or a stay the same for the next 2 will do nicely and then it will be back to another 14days on the plan to see if I can crack the stone!

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Happy Easter...

2011-04-25T00:01:00.002+01:00

He lives! and because he does, so can I... forever... with these nuts!....

I know that my Redeemer lives;

What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, He lives, who once was dead;

He lives, my ever living head.

He lives to bless me with His love,

He lives to plead for me above,

He lives my hungry soul to feed,

He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply,

He lives to guide me with His eye,

He lives to comfort me when faint,

He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears,

He lives to wipe away my tears,

He lives to calm my troubled heart,

He lives, all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise, heav’nly friend,

He lives, and loves me to the end,

He lives, and while He lives I’ll sing,

He lives, my Prophet, Priest and King.

He lives, and grants me daily breath,

He lives, and I shall conquer death,

He lives, my mansion to prepare,

He lives, to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His name!

He lives, my Saviour, still the same;

O the sweet joy this sentence gives,

“I know that my Redeemer lives.”

So, I'm pretty sure my neighbours think I'm crazy...

2011-04-19T23:20:00.001+01:00

and that was before they saw me with Naomi and Joe today in the front garden, cooing into the flower beds...

Oh, well!

Day two in the diet house...

2011-04-10T23:18:00.000+01:00

I was sick today and stayed home all day in my pjs inhaling menthol and trying to breathe! so other than the diet I really have nothing else to talk about!

SO, day 2. managing better than expected so far.

I started the day with an egg and rye bread soldiers. I realised that since I NEVER eat this I don't have egg cups - untill I remembered the one I had as a kid. I didnt want to throw it away for some reason, so I stashed it in my craft cupboard, so that was fun! the egg was a bit of a disaster though - I followed the instructions and it came out practically hard boiled. Have to try that again!

For lunch I tried the 'lemony leeks, chicken and barley. It was the first time Ive tried barley like that and it came out quite nice. the chicken stock and lemon flavour meant it totally didnt taste like diet food and texture wise, it was kind of like a risotto. It was fairly filling and as it was quite late on by the time we ate it we ended up skipping dinner! Hoping I will be a size 8 by next week (hahaha) i did pinch a pit of the pork I had been cooking for dinner, but bearing in mind that was in place of a whole meal, it shouldnt cause a problem!
I had one snack - ryvita and peanut butter and drank water & diet coke all day. The only time I did slip up was the honey and lemon drink I made myself in the morning, since honey isn't allowed. I realise half way through but finished it since I was only drinking it because I am sick!
total points today: 24 out of 29

confessions of a serial dieter....

2011-04-08T13:39:00.051+01:00

... oh yes! that's me! I have tried them all, pretty much, including the mayo clinic one where you have to have grapefruit / grapefruit juice before every meal, never mind that I HATE grapefruit! I spent about 2 weeks consuming tons of the stuff, only to be disappointed with the end result, as always! During recent years I have found that the only plan that really works for me is the Weight Watchers plan. And yet, despite knowing that is does work for me, and knowing that I really do want to finally lose this weight, I am having an insanely hard time sticking to it. I'm always either comfort eating to try and fill some emotional black hole, suffering from a cold or other sickness, or over working myself, getting no sleep and eating just to keep from dropping dead! Something has got to give and I am determined that this time it will finally be my waistline!! So enter Anna Richardson and the Body Blitz diet (as recommended by my mother-in-law).

I spent a good few weeks dragging my feet and pouting about giving up stuff like bread and potatoes before eventually setting a start date of today. I figured I should at least try it.

My starting point is 165.2kg and a total of 153.5 inches across various places....

so, Day One...

Breakfast : Pan fried bacon, mushrooms & tomatoes
lunch : the beef and horseradish sandwich but replacing the rye bread with 3 ryvitas
dinner : Prawn Balti with steamed courgette & babycorn and a little drop a dress size dressing.
Snacks : fruit with 2 tbs soya
hard boiled egg.
Drinks : water, diet coke
no excercise as such although I had to do the shopping so there was some walking there.

I'll admit, I feel a little hungry, or maybe I'm not- maybe I am just aware that I can't have stuff. The great thing is that right now the enthusiasm to try new stuff and see some reults is keeping me going. I know that will run out at some point. I have enjoyed everything I have tried so far though, so thats good!

*edited to add: that works out at 21 points on WW and I'm supposedly allowed 29 a day!! So I should lose weight!
the egg wasn't technically on the list of snacks but with sticking to it so closely, I figured if thats what I wanted it couldnt do any harm.
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coming soon...

2011-04-07T11:08:00.000+01:00

I have this massive list of little jobs here and there that people are waiting for. But, before I move on to that I HAD to post something from Saturday! These guys were too fab!

Naomi, if you go over, I will post a few more to pass the time! :)

on this day 21 years ago...

2011-04-06T11:00:00.003+01:00

...I became an aunty. And roughly 8 years later, I took this picture. It could be argued that this was indeed my finest moment as a photographer, back before it all started, just for the amusement that has come from this one image. To everyone except poor Matt that is! :)

so, some things you should know about this picture...

1. It is NOT, and never was a dodgy ad for french fries! Matt IS wearing swimming trunks and the rest is, well, just unfortunate for him!

2. Matt hates this picture! no, REALLY!

3. Shortly after this holiday I gave my youngest nephew an album with one picture of each member of the family from this holiday, This is the picture I picked for Matt.

4. Matt removed the picture from the album and ripped it up. Little did he know, it was just a copy. Mwahahaha :)

5. On Matt's 18th birthday I used this picture to make Matts gift tag, and gave him his gift (a multipack of french fries) whilst he was sat with his girlfriend (now wife).

6. Although the thought did cross my mind, I haven't had this picture enlarged to a stupidly large size to display anywhere today. So Matt, you are safe untill your 30th at least! :)

7. If he has found this blog post, he has almost certainly disowned me by now so I may as-well say it quick, Happy 21st Matt! We LURVE you!!! x

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The Secret Garden...

2011-04-05T19:01:00.001+01:00

Ok, so, it isn't really a 'secret garden', but I know I couldn't find my way back to Woodbank Park again even if I tried! We visited together in the autumn of 2010 to shoot their engagement session. They showed me around the important places, the settings of their story. A lovely story - you can read it here at their blog.
We reenacted the magical moment and they smiled and posed for the camera as a bunch of kids looked on (who had kindly moved aside to allow us space) and eagerly fired questions at the happy couple about what they were doing and when they would be getting married. To me, it was much like any other park, trees, grass, a play area. To them it is where they used to 'hang', a place to go on dates and where Matt chose to propose. For them it will always hold too many sweet memories to be 'just another park'. Maybe it really is a secret garden.

Once upon a time...

2011-04-04T08:12:00.001+01:00

...they met on a youth camp. They continued to hang out, eventually swapping contacts. Almost a year later they admitted they liked each other and went on a few dates...

"So, we had been boyfriend/girlfriend for a a year when he left to serve his mission. Initially we split up so I could date other people but not long after I decided I wanted to wait. This was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I learnt and grew alongside Matt as he served the Lord. I wrote to him faithfully twice a week and he also never missed a week! There were hard times and good times and I can say that I am a stronger person because of it. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to wait for a missionary.

Then on the 18th August 2010, he came home. My missionary returned an RM. The first couple of days were a blur, but it was natural. It was at times, like he'd never left. I was definately a happy lady :)

5 days after he returned on our 3 year anniversary, Matt asked me to marry him....

Tomorrow I will post some stills from their shoot...

Checking out...emotionally.

2011-04-02T00:57:00.003+01:00

I'm in a strange place right now. It's kind of hard to describe. If you knew someone was going to punch you, you'd duck. But I'm learning that sometimes when life throws one at you, you are expected to stand there and take it. I feel like I'm waiting for a crash, waiting for the pain to set in. I want to duck, but that isn't what is expected of me, so instead its like I can feel myself emotionally checking out. I'm not really there. I walk around doing the things I do but it's not me. I'm somewhere else, I don't know where. Thats not to say that there aren't some good and encouraging things happening in my life. Some fantastic blessings I should be grateful for, and I am, really. But beneath it all, all I can feel is the pain, gloating, because it's turn is coming. Fast. I'm in the tunnel, I see the lights, but I know they aren't the end. They're the train!

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Happy Birthday....

2011-03-30T19:09:00.002+01:00

...to the bestest niece EVER!

And the bestest pre birthday dinner buddy...

and the bestest concert buddy ever...

Hope you have the BEST birthday! (present and card will follow, maybe by weekend - but hey! I did take you out!! ;) x

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Green... is the new black...

2011-03-24T11:14:00.000Z

...apparantly!

And this is where I admit to being a total bottle geek! It all started back in February when dave requested a new lunch flask on his birthday list. (yes, clearly he is a bit of a bottle geek also!!)

And so, after much searching, enter this baby...

Well it arrived and I almost considered keeping it for myself! (yes I am that sad!) Its pretty, the top is really convenient - everything is attached so you can't lose any bits but the flip top folds back and stays back (ie. it doesn't hit you in the face when you take a drink). The mouth piece is, well, perfect - no dribbles but easy to clean. Its dishwasher safe - so that means we get to buy a dish washer next right? ;) shatter proof, aaaaaaaand its bpa free - so its good for the environment AND good for me. oh and did I mention it fits in the gap in the fridge below the water and ice dispensor perfectly? no? really??

anyhooo, amazon do them in lots of sizes and designs - just search aladdin water bottles. Or don't, whatever!

Well, now I got that off my chest, normal service can resume! :)

thanks for listening!

Happy belated birthday to a certain new Momma...

2011-03-17T13:38:00.000Z

neeeeeeeeeeext!

2011-03-13T18:31:00.000Z

I've been pretty busy recently, my list of things to do just keeps growing. I have a massive back-log of stuff to post here!
So heres a tiny taste of whats to come - our latest studio visitor!

perfect!

2011-03-10T12:01:00.000Z

so there was no picture with the last post, simply because nothing seemed to fit! Then a freind posted this to their pinterest board:

Love it!
print can be bought here
more info from designer here

As far as the thing that troubles me goes...

2011-03-08T14:32:00.000Z

avoidance isn't working. avoidance can't last, and can never be complete- I just won't be allowed to get away with it! so, I am going to rub my face in it, perhaps not excessively, but thats what I am going to do. Surely there comes a point where it can't feel any worse right? well, bring it on, I think I'm ready!!

Had a visitor to the studio today...

2011-02-25T18:30:00.000Z

...don't think he was impressed though!

One year ago today...

2011-01-26T23:00:00.000Z

... I came home from work, and she wasn't waiting on the couch where I thought she would be. And she didn't greet me at the door. I searched the house growing more distressed with each room. Until I found her, upstairs, and then I cried.

She will never be replaced.

Dear Grandma Alice,

2011-01-24T23:16:00.001Z

Happy birthday. Today you would have been 100 if you were still here. I miss you. I wish I had realised that I would when you were here.
We wanted to celebrate your birthday by going to the pub for a mixed grill, but sadly I have a lot of work that needs finishing. So I picked some fish and chips up on the way from work and ate it at the computer with a glass of sugary Ribena and lemonade. I know you would approve!

Tomorrow on my lunch brake I will take you some flowers to the cemetery and make floppy oatcakes and eat them with butter.
Happy birthday grandma, no longer another year older, but one less till we meet again x

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Sacrifice...

2011-01-19T00:28:00.001Z

That's MY nice warm snuggly blanket, or it was!! On the positive side though, it seems to have magical calming qualities. That's the only reason I am even remotely ok with this!

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I am not a big fan...

2011-01-06T19:30:00.000Z

... nor have I ever been of formal posed group photos at weddings. Fortunately, some of my clients feel the same!

Happy Thursday! (its friday tomorrow ;)

Tribute to a friend...

2011-01-05T23:39:00.000Z

As a kid, I followed her around like a puppy dog!

she was the pretty one, the cool one, the talented one.

we have loved, and fought. Hung out, and lost touch. Laughed and cried.

Many times throughout my life I changed my mind about who my 'best friend' was, and so decided that really there was no such thing beyond the playground.

But then somewhere along the way I figured it out...

The best type of friend is the type that was there all along. The type you can fight with, cry with, lose touch with and yet never lose.

We are 29 and a half, but today, she is 30.

Happy Birthday Bethany! Thank you for sticking with me all these years. If I've learnt nothing else, its that I need you for the next 29.5, if not the one after that too.

Thank you for being a true 'best friend' x

Acceptance revisited..... or increased....or done to death... or...whatever!!!!

2011-01-04T19:47:00.000Z

about 2 weeks ago, I started writing the following post...

I'm feeling a little frazzled, a little dog-eared around the edges! A friend wished me 'a lovely christmas' last night and I genuinely thought 'wha...uh?.... ahahahahahahaha! yeah, good one! pahahahah!'

Yep, this is the grinch here, reporting direct from grump central! I've even swapped hats with dave...
see...

anyhow, before my pity-party gets out of hand, maybe we should introduce just a hint of perspective....

...

... and then i got SO busy and SO distracted that, well, I forgot all about it until now!

And unfortunately, that totally sums up Christmas for me this year! Sad times! :(

Acceptance

2010-12-10T01:17:00.000Z

There are one or two things in my life that, try as I might, I just can't seem to accept. I suppose the underlying truth is that I just don't want to accept them.
A new one has joined the list this week, it is that December has started without me!! I'm just not at where I wanted to be at yet, and here we are, 7 days in. So I have decided to just take a big deep breath and accept it.

Whilst I haven't even started decorating the house, my desk is feeling a little more festive, thanks to my little Charlie Brown christmas tree...

and advent calendar...

And the view out of my window is pretty perfect too!

up and down....

2010-11-30T20:09:00.002Z

....up and down! Crazy isn't it?! I know people say you are supposed to 'enjoy the ride' but sometimes, honestly, I just don't! whilst its only a temporary fix feeling angry is so much easier, and seems less painful than feeling upset. But it's not a solution. Especially when there is no one to direct that anger at, except maybe yourself at a stretch.
Been listening to this over and over (with the volume on full), letting the words fall around me like little grenades...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkbZfXK25E

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting
I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should

discovery of the week!!

2010-11-26T09:00:00.002Z

RUSKS!! only 2 points on the new weight watchers for a really big sweet biscuit to get me through the afternoon. HOW did I not discover this sooner?!?! will be on the shopping list from now on! :)

on the quiet side...

2010-11-25T09:00:00.002Z

I don't have much to say today, but here is a recent pic from the studio that I thought edited up quite nicely.

that is all.

Continued....

2010-11-24T09:00:00.003Z

When I think about it, bonfire night was pretty much the perfect night! I didn't do any work, and that's something I need to do more often! not all the time but definitely more than I do!
We ended the evening with the other members of 'Harry Potter Geeks Anonymous' watching the next instalment in our weekly catch - ups ready to watch the new one.

and for treats I had a go at something I had wanted to try for halloween but ran out of time...

So far so good...

2010-11-20T09:00:00.002Z

Well this post is definitely behind schedule (aren't they all?!) but so far, 'the season' is shaping up ok! Don't get me wrong, I don't feel caught up, or up to date. But I feel close, so close! :) bonfire night was a LOT of fun, in fact, it was pretty much perfect. Oh, I'm sure it could have been better, but it was enough.
It has become our tradition to head to Wythenshawe Park for the free (yes that's FREE) fireworks display. There aren't many free ones these days, not great since I have 'issues' with paying to see fireworks. I know they cost money and these events cost a lot to put on and staff and keep safe etc, but I just don't GET the idea of paying to get inside a cordon or area to see fireworks that go up into the sky, and so basically you can see them just as well from outside the designated area where it's free! Very similar in fact to the issues I have with having to pay so much for decent underwear when next to nobody sees it! But, thats another story, right ;)
Anyhooooo, this year we took Matt and Chrissie along with us. I love the walk from where we park the cars, the air is always damp and chilly, and you can see all the smoke hanging in the air. So atmospheric!! :)

totally psyched...

2010-11-19T09:00:00.005Z

...to finally lose that weight! It is SO time!! I am really loving the new weight watchers plan - it works so much better for me. I stuck to it pretty much last week but did no excercise and I lost a pound, so its a start. Yesterday I came up with the crazy idea to stay in my running gear all day and do regular little runs throughout the day in my work breaks to get myself back into it. I covered 8k in the end. It was tough! I am a little achy and was ready for bed at about 9 last night so I am taking it a little easier and just doing one short and gentle run today. Hopefully this really is it, I'm so tired of my muffin top!!!!!

oh happy day!

2010-11-18T09:00:00.003Z

That's right people!! The Big Knit is back! I am happier that I probably ought to be about this!! :D

Conflict

2010-11-11T15:11:00.000Z

This blog is a blank page, that remains blank a little more than it ought to. I seem to struggle to post regularly right now. Its not so much that I don't want to, or nothing happens to post about. Its more that I can't decide what to post. The conflict of what I should/ shouldn't or want to / don't want to say here simply echoes the conflict in my head. I guess I am just a little wary of posting ANYTHING that seems negative here. I've given in to that more often than usual of late. I suppose it's a measure of how I really am right now. I have wondered whether that is bad. Its hard to have one space that serves all purposes. personal, friends, business etc I was worried about that. But then perhaps I shouldn't be. I have read several posts on other blogs like Jasmine Star, Elsie and Tara. I guess it's ok to be human here, everyone knows I am, as long as there is an element of balance. and no specifics when it comes to that 'dirty laundry'.

and so, today? not great. I feel like crawling back under my duvet and crying. But theres too much to be done for that. I have no idea why it's today specifically. I know at the core of it I just crave some understanding. but I crave it from a specific source. I am also aware that there is no sign of that happening and so it is pointless banging my head against that wall, as much as I may want to. And, that is all. Tomorrow will be a new day, one where I will forget it all for a while again I'm sure. Roll on tomorrow!

Halloween!

2010-11-05T10:00:00.011Z

   My nephew Matt called over on Saturday evening, he does that a lot these days! Dave was up in the loft fetching the boxes of halloween decorations down and I was busy icing gingerbread skeletons and hanging halloween garlands all at the same time! As I bustled past him with an armful of trimmings I noticed a gleam in his eye as he said, with a big grin, "I love Halloween!" He then qualified his statement, adding; "because it's halloween, then its Christmas!"
   I stopped dead, and must have looked a little silly standing there looking so lost, covered in pumpkin bunting and various random seasonal ornaments. I nodded my head enthusiastically in agreement, and at the same time felt the all-too-familiar sense of panic rising in my chest.
   The truth is I love it for the same reason: halloween, bonfire night, Christmas! But the last few years with working more than is sensible, I have lost sight of that excitement I used to feel and replaced it with the panic.
   And here we are again back at the start. I am trying to be more realistic this year about what I can and can't do in the hope that I will actually get to enjoy some of it and avoid making myself as sick as I did last year. So far, so good. Halloween wasn't quite what it could be but we managed 5 pumpkins, the majority of our decorations up (even if it was at the last minute), hand iced gingerbread for the trick or treaters and a few photos and some sleep! That HAS to be an improvement. Bring on bonfire night!!...

I'm feeling a little....

2010-11-04T00:05:00.000Z

emotionally detatched. If that is even a real term - I just made it up because thats how I feel! From the fact that 2 out of my last 3 posts have been about chocolate, I'm sure it's pretty clear that things aren't going too well right now with my goals either!
Still, I think that regardless of how I might be feeling it is past time for normal service to resume here! so from tomorrow, it will.
And in the mean-
time, I am going to crawl back into my corner and continue feeling 'emotionally detatched', simply because 'numb' gets far more done than misery! Go me!!

Old, old photo from a uni project! (wow! wasn't I slim!!!!)

note to self:...

2010-11-02T12:20:00.001Z

Never EVER attempt to use favourite chocolates as a prop! SO not clever!

I can feel my thighs growing just looking at them!

This morning...

2010-11-01T13:47:00.000Z

I left my phone un-attended whilst I took a shower. Looks like someone found it! :)

I think I need to remember....

2010-10-25T16:47:00.001+01:00

That chocolate is NOT the answer!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a few things...

2010-10-11T14:26:00.002+01:00

1. I care too much about lots of things. Mostly things like what other people think of me.

2. It makes me do crazy things sometimes. or maybe just too many things.

3. I feel selfish if I am not dancing to absolutely everyone else's tune, so much so that I don't really dance so well anyway. I just collapse in a heap on the floor and beg for it to be over again!

4. I love my kitty like crazy even though she drives me nuts! could say the same for the husband.

5. I feel like I still haven't figured out exactly who I am supposed to be.

6. I'd like to go home now and hide under the duvet, if thats ok...

7. Autumn is my favourite season, for the colours and the golden light.

8. I still don't want to talk about 'it'. some pains just feel better kept inside my own head.

9. I often cry in my sleep. Now and again I laugh too.

10. I have big ideas but am often too afraid of failing to make them reality

11. I always under estimate the work to be done, in every situation

12. I always want to sit on the floor and cry once the reality sinks in regarding no.11

13 I don't handle change.

14. Turning 30 REALLY freaks me out.

15. People tend to think I'm unfriendly, when really I'm just too scared to go over and talk to them.

16. I want to reclaim my waistline but comfort eating is way too easy for me.

17. I love frappuccinos and Ben and Jerrys ice cream.

18. I have far too many clothes in my wardrobe

19. I wish I could travel more

20. I am NOT a morning person.

And so, Moving on....

I've spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks thinking about how I have survived in the past when I have felt my world caving in. Because I have - survived that is.
so I guess its time to lace up my running shoes, crank up the volume on the 'angry-girl music'
and make sure the freezer is stocked for absolute emergencies!

on feeling...

2010-09-30T16:38:00.000+01:00

About a day ago now, I stopped by Tara's blog. Tara is an amazing photographer and a pretty great writer too. And as I was reading I read this (and I've been thinking about it pretty much ever since)...

You really have to go through pain before you can move into a new phase, a new place in your head or heart. So often I am scared of that pain, afraid it will overwhelm me - ruin my life or my day. I hide from it, avoid it, make poor choices in order to stay numb to it. When I do that, the pain just takes hold. It moves in like a wasp's nest, constantly buzzing about my head. Something you know you have to deal with, but are afraid to because you don't want to get stung. I am learning more and more that accepting those feelings and letting myself feel them is the way I want to go.

When you give yourself permission to feel what you feel, it is giving yourself permission to be who you really are. There is a peace in that, and a sincerity that feeds you.

It is the best way that I know to take care of myself.

Ofcourse, I knew it, really. I just needed to hear it - or read it!

Thank you Tara

Hello old friend....

2010-09-24T19:43:00.002+01:00

It's been a while. Ok, that's a lie, but I have tried to live without you. I find in my current state of mind, however, I cannot. I neeeeeeed you and the comfort you bring. Meet me in the lounge in 10 minutes and I won't tell anyone if you don't! ( I'll be the one holding the spoon )
Love, me xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The choice...

2010-09-23T18:16:00.001+01:00

Get off my sorry behind, go to weight watchers and be myself again, or, let the current black mood get the better of me and take me where it will...

'nuff said!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Manchester,United Kingdom

I always get the blame...

2010-09-23T13:34:00.002+01:00

... for all the pens going missing. But now I know the truth. I have photographic evidence!

Rumbled!

The real pen thief!!
(she stole this one from Dave's bedside table!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:London Rd,,United Kingdom

Staring out of the abyss...

2010-09-15T12:58:00.000+01:00

in some ways is not much different than staring into it. Except for one thing - the fear is gone. there is no fear because you are there. You know exactly how it feels. And you start to wonder, does it feel good, almost? to realise your nightmare, and to realise there is a peace in knowing that it couldn't feel worse than this.
Sure, I'll pull myself out, when I am ready to. The truth is I don't want a hand to help me. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to sit, quietly and look out on the world I once thought I knew my way in. And resolve that when I do get out It will be in my way, and where I want to. Maybe not where you think I should.

If breaking makes us stronger, then I will be stronger. When I choose to be.

T minus 1!!!!!!!!! ;)

2010-09-05T02:53:00.002+01:00

T - Minus 2 days

2010-09-04T13:39:00.002+01:00

T-minus 3 days...

2010-09-03T02:15:00.000+01:00

T - Minus 4 days

2010-09-01T12:01:00.003+01:00

T - Minus 5 days

2010-08-31T12:01:00.003+01:00

T - Minus 6 days

2010-08-30T12:01:00.003+01:00

T - Minus 7 days

2010-08-29T12:01:00.002+01:00

T - Minus 8 days

2010-08-28T12:01:00.000+01:00

T - Minus 9 days

2010-08-27T12:01:00.000+01:00

T - minus 10 days

2010-08-26T12:01:00.001+01:00

Without giving too much away..... (T-minus 11days)

2010-08-25T00:41:00.002+01:00

I Give Up!!

2010-08-23T15:13:00.000+01:00

Just so you know! I do!!

I give up on august break! Not because it's not a great Idea, but because It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I got so far behind it felt like a chore!

I also give up trying to lose weight before I go away. I can start again after!

I'm just a big quitter today!

Day 9 (Happy birthday to me STILL!)

2010-08-20T14:38:00.000+01:00

still celebrating! Finally some candles freshly plucked from my birthday clafoutis! .... well, I don't really like cake anyway! ;)

Day 8 (total cheat!)

2010-08-19T23:47:00.000+01:00

That one was actually taken on the 7th!! I KNOW! F.A.I.L! I just can't remember what I was supposed to photograph for the 8th! probably the humble pie or the gumbo or cornbread, or all 10 of us eating dinner. But I didn't photograph any of those things! oops!

Day 7 (I have decided wardrobes should be classed as a basic human right!)

2010-08-19T23:43:00.000+01:00

a trip to Ikea to pick up what we need to finally build wardrobes! :)
I have missed having wardrobes!!!!

Day 6 (SURPRISE!! happy birthday to me!)

2010-08-19T23:39:00.001+01:00

I was sat at the table opening cards and presents when there was a knock at the door. In came Lesley and Steph, I was a little confused! They don't usually show up bearing gifts of my birthday! I took the gift bag and looked inside...

Day 5 (mmmm!)

2010-08-19T23:33:00.000+01:00

virgin strawberry daiquiri. The Exchange (with Mum).

Day 4 (the last kitty-love wednesday!)

2010-08-19T23:32:00.000+01:00

My final visit with the kittens now 6 weeks and 3 days old. I will post more of the pictures that have been missed after the august break!

Day 3 (not so clever)

2010-08-18T07:53:00.000+01:00

I 'broke down' (or in other words ran out of petrol), annoyingly, within view of the petrol station. Hooray for the nice van driver who towed me in! :)

Day2 (the accidental stroke of genius!!:)

2010-08-18T02:17:00.001+01:00

air hockey! gotta love it! I challenged Georgia to a game on the way out of the cinema. It was neck and neck untill...

I distracted her by taking a photo and scored the winning goal! :)

Day 1 (the view from here)

2010-08-18T02:01:00.000+01:00

Exciting start hey?! so I had a migraine which meant my day was filled with PJs

in answer...

2010-08-17T09:35:00.000+01:00

to the comments on the last post :)...

I can't really claim to have kept up too well with the august break thing as I haven't been posting BUT I have been taking pics each day so I will start posting catch ups later today :)

and, Kerrin, I went to reply to you via your blog but I keep forgetting that I let my invite expire without logging in cos I was super busy when you went private so that isn't going to work!

ok, that's it for the personal messages, next up...

August Break!!!! :)

The August Break...

2010-08-04T11:27:00.000+01:00

So I am a little late posting this, but you may have noticed the 'August Break' link at the top of the blog there! To quote Susannah Conway (the mastermind behind it all):

The (loose & very adaptable) plan would be to simply share one photo per day on your blog – Monday to Friday, or every day. Or whenever you want. Using any camera – DSLR, compact, Polaroid, Holga, iPhone (my choice), Instax, 35mm, video – with or without words – anything goes – for the whole of August. No pressure - just looking at August through your camera lens as a way to be more present this summer. And to have a little break from the pressures and expectations of regular blogging.

Well, Lets face it, I don't spend a lot of time on this blog anyway, so I signed on for slightly different reasons. Rather than a break, I figure it will encourage me to get into the habit of being more active here, without making a big deal out of each post. small bite sized chunks!

so, without further waffle welcome to the august break project...
(for more info just click the link at the top and it should take you to Susannah's post)...

F.A.I.L........!

2010-07-21T13:50:00.000+01:00

So, in order to reach my goal of losing 1 stone by my self imposed deadline of Sunday 22nd August I needed to notch up a total of roughly 2.5lbs per week. If I'm honest, I knew week 1 wasn't great and so I hopped on the scales sunday evening to find that I had gained quarter of a pound (it actually says half on the ticker at the top as that is the smallest increment it allows!). Hmmmmm, so make that 5.25 this week then.... yeah RIGHT! well good news is I had a sneaky mid week weigh in last night and I'm back on the right side of my starting figure at least...

so I make that another 3.75 before sunday to be back on target! eeeeeek! I think the treadmill and I may be re-discovering our love-hate relationship. watch this space!....

no days left!!!...

2010-07-16T22:18:00.000+01:00

So as I'm sat here checking kit, and checking photo-schedules etc etc I thought I would post the rest of my faves from the pre wedding shoot for tomorrows wedding. This couple didn't need an engagement shoot as they have a good friend who already had that covered. But regardless, I currently always offer a shoot for free when a wedding is booked. I think its a really important part of the preparation for us working together effectively. we certainly broke the ice... super excited to take pictures of these guys tomorrow!
Best wishes Dan and Lisa, May you always be this cute and in love :)

2 days!....

2010-07-15T20:22:00.000+01:00

and I'm just a little excited ;)

3 days to go...

2010-07-15T01:27:00.000+01:00

or there was before midnight!

Only 4 days...

2010-07-13T23:54:00.002+01:00

...until this cute couple tie the knot!

and so for the next 4 days I thought it would be fun to count down with some pics from the pre-wed session!
more tomorrow! :)

and so it begins...

2010-07-13T23:32:00.000+01:00

... again!

my goal is to lose 1 stone in about 4-6 weeks. wish me luck!

in other news...

we said goodbye to the paris apple today! :)

better late than never!

2010-07-11T21:20:00.000+01:00

sooooo, for all those kitty-love wednesday fans out there, here it is! kitty-love wednesday sneakily disguised as kitty-love sunday!

bad news is I TOTALLY had the wrong lens with me this week, and a combination of that and the failing light did not mean good things for the pics!! but here's what I got anyway. will try to do better next week!! :)

I did manage to get the first decent pic of princess...

and cute mr. tabby came off ok too...

mr. moustache attempting to wake princess...

little mr. white face snuggled up for a nap...

and again, with cute mr.tabby!...

and unfortunately, that's all folks! Roll on next weds :)

French women might not get fat, but...

2010-07-10T22:47:00.000+01:00

... the apples clearly do!
exhibit a: purchased from a mini-market in the Pigalle area of Paris.
Exibit b: Asda Walmart, Trafford Park!...

yes, that's right! I am sad enough to bring an apple back from Paris, simply because I paid for it and I hate waste!
More exciting paris pics to come, as soon as I can get around to it! OH! and kitty-love wednesday of-course!

kitty-love wednesday...

2010-07-08T17:28:00.002+01:00

... did happen! but I am SO busy with stuff right now that I haven't even touched the pics.
so watch this space (for a few days!!)

5 years ago today...

2010-07-02T09:00:00.001+01:00

...we said we did!

And we still do, except, neither of us really knows why! But we do anyway and lucky for us we both know that the 'why' doesn't really matter anyway! ;)

Kitty-love Wednesday (week2)

2010-07-01T09:55:00.001+01:00

So, yesterday was wednesday! I love wednesdays right now! (especially wednesday evenings). The kittens were twice the size they were last week. I knew there would be a change, but it was pretty amazing! looks like Jessica is doing a good job!

little mr. white cheek was a little shy, or tired maybe...

and whilst it was little mr. moustache who was the star of the show last week

this week it was little mr. white face's turn to shine!

Dave got to meet Princess for the first time (previously known as baby girl)

and cute mr. tabby worked the camera

then fell asleep!

cop out post!

2010-06-29T19:08:00.000+01:00

So another thing I thought would be great, was to do a little review each week on a sunday, just to get me posting a bit more instead of just thinking about it. Except now its tuesday! so here's a mini cop-out effort with something I was working on anyway. I will post more pics from last weekends trip in a few days or so...

its almost kitty love wednesday!! :)

Ever feel like...

2010-06-24T00:39:00.003+01:00

because you haven't posted in ages, the next one is gonna have to be amazing... and so you just don't? Well, finally I feel like I can post! Today I got to take pictures of some 4 day old kittens! So adorable! It wasn't easy due to the fact that most of them are mostly black, I was working with indoor lighting and they kept wriggling around. But for a first attempt I did ok, and obviously learnt some stuff about taking pictures of teeny tiny kitties! Lucky for me, I get to stop by next week and see how they have grown :) Can't wait!...

and so wednesdays for the next few weeks shall be known as 'kitty-love wednesdays' and I will spread the kitty-love with a few pics - so I'll be posting at least once a week right?! ;)
Kitty-love wednesday was brought to you by...

little mr.white face

little mr. white cheek

cute mr. tabby

baby girl

and

little mr. moustache!

and ofcourse proud mother kitty Jessica, but no shots of her this week! maybe next week :)

Please excuse me...

2010-03-25T13:56:00.003Z

I'm messing around with the look of this place. Here are some pretty pictures whilst I'm busy! :)...

Consequences!

2010-03-14T20:33:00.007Z

Thats right! a big fat NO ENTRY for me! for about 3 weeks now the big white tents and fluttering flags of Cirque du Soliel have taunted me from the other side of the motor-way exit I use on the way home most days. Unfortunately though, this is as close as i'm going to get - I just haven't been good enough meaning there are few pennies and much work. A baaaaaaaad combination.
Ugh! If you are reading this Cirque du Soliel, please take your tents somewhere else where I can't see them.
Thankyou!!

too tired...

2010-02-11T00:19:00.004Z

for talk...

... must sleep!

Smiles like this....

2010-02-09T22:37:00.000Z

...make my job a whole lot easier! :)

The time is far spent...

2010-02-08T23:46:00.004Z

...anyone singing along yet? hehehe

well anyway, it is, and to celebrate the countdown to the release of our next batch of wedding goodness (hopefully friday) here's 5 days of sneaky peaks to wet the gorgeous couple's apetite!

so, sit back and enjoy, whilst I work up a sweat getting these proofed, finished and out there!...

more tomorrow...

:'o(

2010-01-27T13:42:00.003Z

I am having a desperately sad day. I know it's not big in the grand scheme of things but it is to me. I will say more when I feel ready, but until then...

click here

Ever...

2010-01-11T13:15:00.002Z

... wanted something so desperately, for so long, that there came a point where you couldn't remember why you wanted it, or even if you really did at all?

I geuss things aren't always exactly how they seem...

It is strangely liberating to realise that fact, and to wonder what it is you really wanted after all. And that maybe its just exactly what you already had.

and now we interrupt the normal proceedings...

2009-12-20T22:17:00.005Z

... although I'm not entirely sure I can can claim to be interrupting them when I haven't posted in so long anyway! But still, due to the website undergoing a total (and long overdue)overhaul very soon this blog is going to have to play host to some customer previews. and so without any further waffle I present one rather cute family :)...

and in other news the 'little pumpkin' from the last post did arrive, so more on that soon! watch this space! :)...

So this little pumpkin...

2009-10-26T19:36:00.000Z

was due out at weekend.

He clearly didn't agree with that ;)