I'm feeling a little....

emotionally detatched. If that is even a real term - I just made it up because thats how I feel! From the fact that 2 out of my last 3 posts have been about chocolate, I'm sure it's pretty clear that things aren't going too well right now with my goals either!
 Still, I think that regardless of how I might be feeling it is past time for normal service to resume here! so from tomorrow, it will.
And in the mean-
time, I am going to crawl back into my corner and continue feeling 'emotionally detatched', simply because 'numb' gets far more done than misery! Go me!!

Old, old photo from  a uni project! (wow! wasn't I slim!!!!)

note to self:...

Never EVER attempt to use favourite chocolates as a prop! SO not clever!

I can feel my thighs growing just looking at them!

This morning...

I left my phone un-attended whilst I took a shower. Looks like someone found it! :)

I think I need to remember....

That chocolate is NOT the answer!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a few things...

1. I care too much about lots of things. Mostly things like what other people think of me.


2. It makes me do crazy things sometimes. or maybe just too many things.


3. I feel selfish if I am not dancing to absolutely everyone else's tune, so much so that I don't really dance so well anyway. I just collapse in a heap on the floor and beg for it to be over again!


4. I love my kitty like crazy even though she drives me nuts! could say the same for the husband.


5. I feel like I still haven't figured out exactly who I am supposed to be.


6. I'd like to go home now and hide under the duvet, if thats ok...


7. Autumn is my favourite season, for the colours and the golden light.


8. I still don't want to talk about 'it'. some pains just feel better kept inside my own head.


9. I often cry in my sleep. Now and again I laugh too.


10. I have big ideas but am often too afraid of failing to make them reality


11. I always under estimate the work to be done, in every situation


12. I always want to sit on the floor and cry once the reality sinks in regarding no.11


13 I don't handle change.


14. Turning 30 REALLY freaks me out. 


15. People tend to think I'm unfriendly, when really I'm just too scared to go over and talk to them.


16. I want to reclaim my waistline but comfort eating is way too easy for me.


17. I love frappuccinos and Ben and Jerrys ice cream.


18. I have far too many clothes in my wardrobe


19. I wish I could travel more


20. I am NOT a morning person.


And so, Moving on....


I've spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks thinking about how I have survived in the past when I have felt my world caving in. Because I have - survived that is.
so I guess its time to lace up my running shoes, crank up the volume on the 'angry-girl music'
and make sure the freezer is stocked for absolute emergencies!

on feeling...

About a day ago now, I stopped by Tara's blog. Tara is an amazing photographer and a pretty great writer too. And as I was reading I read this (and I've been thinking about it pretty much ever since)...

You really have to go through pain before you can move into a new phase, a new place in your head or heart. So often I am scared of that pain, afraid it will overwhelm me - ruin my life or my day. I hide from it, avoid it, make poor choices in order to stay numb to it. When I do that, the pain just takes hold. It moves in like a wasp's nest, constantly buzzing about my head. Something you know you have to deal with, but are afraid to because you don't want to get stung. I am learning more and more that accepting those feelings and letting myself feel them is the way I want to go.

When you give yourself permission to feel what you feel, it is giving yourself permission to be who you really are. There is a peace in that, and a sincerity that feeds you.

It is the best way that I know to take care of myself.

Ofcourse, I knew it, really. I just needed to hear it - or read it!

Thank you Tara

Hello old friend....

It's been a while. Ok, that's a lie, but I have tried to live without you. I find in my current state of mind, however, I cannot. I neeeeeeed you and the comfort you bring. Meet me in the lounge in 10 minutes and I won't tell anyone if you don't! ( I'll be the one holding the spoon )
Love, me xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone